It is per night in April 2013, I am also about to enter one’s western Hollywood room after the next go out. This mans bed room is actually a basement, and, walking on the grey carpeted steps In my opinion of the pivotal range through the 2007 flick

Zodiac:

“Not many individuals have basements in California.” I don’t know what kind of individual would choose to hole right up in a cellar, nevertheless when We enter this man’s, We see a slew of tools: a cane blade, a number of daggers, a Freddy Krueger glove.

This man’s basement room is merely full of weapons. Versus turning around and walking out like many folks would when facing a bunch of independently possessed weapons, I-go, “usually a Klingon Bat’leth?” As this is me personally now. You will find recognized my fortune as Hana Michels: girl Who Fucks most of the Sword men. (As far as I can tell, a Sword Guy is actually one exactly who gathers swords, values swords, or has actually ever before utilized the phrase “respect the knife.”) I invested 3 years of living with a man who owns a Klingon Bat’leth. And a cane blade. And a Freddy Glove. And some daggers. In fact, any time you encounter a sword man in a big coastal area, you should know that I have had gender with him.

We truly think there isn’t any better demo of sexism within our society compared to simple fact that we talk about cat women however sword men (and I usually do not imply to disparage either). This is exactly although the change to the sword-guy way of living is actually swifter: a female really needs, suppose, above three cats before the woman cat ownership turns out to be a lifestyle declaration and individuals consider the lady a “cat woman.” However if some guy only mounts a single katana on his wall structure they are saying, “That’s it, this can be me personally now.” But we never ever mention blade dudes?

We familiar with imagine this is because blade guys just can be found on Coasts, along with Middle America “sword men” tend to be “gun guys.” But my sword-guy stand-up material went more than really well in Arizona in 2010, and many associated with the blade men I hooked up with currently transplants who got their own swords with these people on their quest to either Coast. Additionally, sword-demo YouTube films be seemingly filmed everywhere together with sword
subreddit
looks common throughout the entire world. Sword guys tend to be an actual class of men and women — we simply aren’t speaking about them. We feel cat females have “given right up,” but a guy whose bed room is plagued by weapons still is super-inviting. Trust in me, because we evidently find them super-inviting.

You cannot just spot a sword guy on road (unless you’re myself), because sword dudes do not have that many unifying features. Unlike “gun dudes,” sword men don’t appear to have any governmental thinking in accordance, unless “swords are cool and that I like slicing through plastic bottles” is actually a political perception. You will think all blade men tend to be nerds, but this is simply not genuine. They could be nerds, they may be jocks, they could also be a hybrid of the two.

Sword guys are not fundamentally social outcasts, sometimes. They simply have friends who are cool with hanging out around a number of swords. Frequently, they’re white guys obsessed with Japanese culture, but this isn’t a rule: My personal ex utilizing the Bat’leth had not been (though he had been completely a white man with black colored framed glasses, because best uniform of this sword guy is exactly just like the uniform associated with the Zodiac Killer). Indeed, the one thing I can state sword dudes have commonly just isn’t caring if the dates they bring home believe they are a serial killer. Also, they like swords I guess.

Unlike you, I am able to identify blade men without actually having observed their own swords. Recently I hooked up with a person who’d heard my sword-guy laughs and said, “Don’t worry, We have no swords. BY-THE-WAY LET ME REVEAL AN ITEM OF SHARON TATE’S FIREPLACE I SIMPLY HAPPEN TO PROVIDE.” You understand Sharon Tate! From CHARLES MANSON MURDERING HER! God, please allow me to get back to sword men.

In case you are going to shag a lot of blade guys you need to understand which sword dudes are in reality worth screwing. I’ve determined a hierarchy of sword guys plus it goes the following:

Chap with replica swords from pop-culture circumstances he likes.

This person simply rationally cool. He may actually create these swords from scrape for cosplay functions, basically a genuine skill. We’ll take a Star Trek Bat’leth over a QVC katana any time. This guy understands exactly what he likes and he’s never apprehensive with the thought of having to reveal it. Fuck yeah.

Man with normal swords.

Every man with an everyday sword starts with the same “limited model” (note: “limited model” indicates nothing) QVC/eBay katana. Katanas are Bulbasaur of sword getting, and this also man desires to be a genuine blade master. He might or cannot generate YouTube demo video clips within his Karate Gi while playing unknown material music.

Man whom helps to keep a dagger under his pillow for “protection.”

RUN, operate, RUN, RUN FROM THIS chap. Additionally if this option worry about defense a great deal EXACTLY WHY DO IT NOT HAVE CONDOMS?

After starting up with a lot of blade men I made a decision I’d better begin exploring sword-guy tradition. A beneficial place to begin learning about blade dudes should type “my katana sword” during the YouTube search club. You will discover sets from sword unboxing, weapon-collection overviews, to my personal favorite: guys cutting circumstances within their backyards, once more, frequently over material music. There’s no shortage of white dudes in Karate Gis here. Several of these movies reveal men and women evaluating and hammering their unique swords to let consumers know if they are an advisable purchase. Although I not witnessed a sword man really utilize their blade for not design, THEY ALL ARE PREPARED TO. And they’re going to let you know as such. Prior to generating on.

You will notice the sporadic sword girl in your sword-guy video search. Never read her reviews. If absolutely a very important factor I’ve discovered sword tradition, it is that sword ladies have earned much better than the YouTube statements they get (and therefore white individuals are enthusiastic about Japanese weaponry). A different way to discover sword-guy culture should see an inordinate quantity of QVC. I recommend carrying this out from a hospital sleep, so you never feel terrible about enjoying an inordinate quantity of QVC. Please note that, as a bit of good sword guy will tell you, a lot of the swords on QVC are overhyped. But that’s the type of QVC that is certainly what makes it thus fun to view out of your hospital sleep and/or Ca cellar bedroom saturated in weapons.

The greater number of I delved into an online sword-guy rabbit hole, the greater number of we realized the realm of sword men and women is simply too diverse and I also don’t have any wish of unifying and understanding it, no matter how numerous sword men I meet. Every sword guy is different. Even though some surely have actually dreams of keeping damsels in distress and you should seriously keep away from those ones, other individuals consider their own swords seem cool, or are actually into

Game of Thrones

. Some swords are holdovers from childhood, others are lifelong choices.

I’ve been performing some sword-guy jokes during my stand-up act for over a-year today and usually than not some guy pops up to me following the tv series and says “that’s me!” or DMs myself an image of his sword. These guys are so thrilled to comprehend they aren’t by yourself. Plus they aren’t. The realm of blade dudes is varied, but every sword guy shares a typical background. Simply because they’ve all had gender beside me.